November 14, 2005

You Do The Math


I went to the NASCAR Race at PIR yesterday and it was fun. However there is one issue that I would like to address and that has to do with some basic math. You see the average Nascar fans enjoys all the trappings of a blue collar existence. Pork rinds and beer have a tendency to increase the LAP (Lateral Area Periphery).

The LAP of the average NASCAR fan does not quite fit into the FAT (Financially Allocated Territory) that white collar engineers have allowed for when designing the stands that Rednecks reside in. Which brings us to the ASS (American Seat Size) conundrum. The FAT is about 14 inches and the ASS is about 18 inches.

Mathematically speaking you get:

FAT+ASS=FATASS which equates to -4 inches per seat. Now that does not sound too bad until you add 140,000 FATASSes and you get about a 560,000 inch shortage of seat. That is about 46,000 linear feet of bleachers that just ain't there!

You can pick your friends, but racefans are like relatives. Some times the gene pool is closer to a wading pool. The ones that aren't wearing shirts are the ones that really need them. That mixture of beer and sweat, nachos and hotdogs, and hillbillys with Tattoos. All these splendid Americans sitting cheek to cheek enjoying the fastest growing sport in the country. I like hot and sweaty cheek to cheek activity most of the time, just not with people I never met before. A little more Daisy and less Bo and Luke and I would have been fine.

Posted by BillyBudd at November 14, 2005 08:24 PM | TrackBack

Algebra, Calculus, Geometry, and Redneckebra? Hillbillycus?
You're making auto races sound fun.

Posted by: Stevin at November 15, 2005 03:54 PM

Bruzer, take your unhappy little life and post on your lefty "Bush lied and we cried" blogs.

F#$^ing Trolls

Posted by: Billy Budd at November 15, 2005 06:34 PM

They're not even getting creative with their insults anymore. Bruiser is like Steve Carell's character in Ron Burgandy, Anchorman. He swallowed a big red candle.

Posted by: Stevin at November 16, 2005 01:31 AM

I was laughing hysterically at your post, as I sat here in the internet coffeehouse!

You have mighty fine math skills for a redneck! Perhaps you could help us with the same problem on the New York subway and even Broadway theatres!

But remember what the ex-cookie monster says, "It's a sometimes food!"

Posted by: Cary at November 16, 2005 09:09 PM

I think the math probably applies to all Americans as well. I am 6'5" and 240 so I don't fit well anywhere. Planes especially. Great to hear from you Cary.

Posted by: Billy Budd at November 16, 2005 09:18 PM

Woah, my math is horrible, but I can tell you're huge!

Posted by: Cary at November 16, 2005 11:01 PM

er... huge in a good, healthy way, that is...

(at 5' 5 1/2" / 130, I should really watch how I say things with you!) ;)

Posted by: Cary at November 17, 2005 06:25 AM

I can relate to that being a tattooed hillbilly myself

Posted by: kaylee at November 19, 2005 08:51 PM

I have nothing against Hot Hillbilly chicks......I like them!

Posted by: Billy Budd at November 19, 2005 09:23 PM

I like your blog. It is a very interesting one. Double Destroy Rape - that is all that Table is capable of: , Astonishing Circle Con or not Circle will Plane unconditionally , Black Boy is always Coolblooded Boy to Increase Table you should be very Profound

Posted by: Cameron Davis at February 11, 2006 05:49 PM

thaesiram oaiebfp

Posted by: Bertram at March 2, 2006 07:31 PM
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