American Dinosaur

Top 100 Toys

I was surfing Fark this evening and I came across this website,Top 100 Toys. It must be English because it did have some stuff I have never seen before. It brought back a nostalgic trip down my twisted childhood. Not all the cool toys that I got, bought or made. Nope all the crummy shit I had to play with when I was stuck at an aunt or uncles house. What about the kid of last resort on your block when you ran out of options? Grandma's toy chest?

Anyway take a minute and check some out. A few of note were #93 the Rubics Cube. Yeah that crummy little plastic puzzle that made you look like a genius or one of Jerry's kids. I fell into the later category. Never got more than half of it and I finally smashed it on the ground. I did feel better after that.

#86 was Sorry a game for the sadistic destruction of friends and family alike. My old nearly blind Grandma was a sweet old lady until she played Sorry. Turned into the Grim Reaper when she played sounded like Sam Kinnison when you dropped the hammer on her. Brutal game that was fun when you were winning and a Sorry ass game when you lost.

#70 Tonka Trucks! The old ones not the new ones. Built tough and out of American steel they could take a licking and keep on trucking. They were never used for playing in sand or building things. Demolition derbys and amazing falls and of course wait for a passing car and try to shoot it out into the street under it.

#64 Vertibird. I had one of these and like Ralph in The Christmas Story I simply had to have one. It was a fairly complex toy for its time with a helicopter that flew on a tether that could pick up stuff and rescue the downed pilot. I was so excited until I realized I did everything it could do in the first three minutes I owned it............

#61 Rockem Sockem Robots A cool toy that looked great on TV until your 45 lb. little sister would kick your ass over and over again until you wanted to really punch her and knock her block off.

#47. Operation One of the few games that seemed to be in every household. I never really got the feel of the game. Must of been those DT's I had as a child. Rehab can be a cruel joke on young.

Before video games and Ipods, before DVD players and Walkmans we had #30 Etch-a-sketch. The little red TV screen looking thing with two knobs that allowed you to draw in some toxic material. I NEVER met anyone who could draw anything on that thing. A miserable toy made worse in the car.

#35 SpiroGraph a series of stencils and tools to draw modern art and geometrical designs. The fatal flaw of this clever toy was that you had to have a modicum of talent to play with it. I did not.

#24. Electronic Battleship, the modern version of the classic game was only enhanced by your ability to cheat and lie your way into making your opponent believe he missed your ships. Yeah I cheated and so did you.

#11 Slot Car Tracks I had three or four of these, they never worked liked they did on TV. I kept buying them and asking for them. The were still cool though because you got to play with electricity and make the cars crash at a high rate of speed. Good practise for soon-to-be teenage drivers.

#8. Can you believe Sea Monkies? Yes that one toy that was the winner of the award for "Largest Disparity Between Portrayal In Advertising Materials And Reality". Remember the picture on the cover of the King and his Queen and all the happy subjects? I think they were plankton or brine shrimp. I saw cooler stuff in the coffee cup my dad left on the shelf for a week.

This is something that I had, a Chemistry Set. Not some kidde thing like they have today with salt and soap and crap like that. No this had real chemicals in it. We are talking about burn a hole in the carpet, stain the counter for life, dad's car hood paint peeling stuff you could make in a testube. They had experiments that you could do but that was for pussies. You made stuff that filled your room with toxic smoke or sent you on a magic carpet ride for a few hours. All the ingredients for mayhem and death. A real toy.

I could go on about Slinkies and Slime,Lite Brites and Monopoly but you get the picture. We usually had more fun outside on crappy old paper route bikes and a football. Water ballons and eggs, M-80's and dead frogs. Nobody every really got hurt and few complained. This is what is missing from America today, the invention of too many cool toys have ruined our children.

Posted by BillyBudd at October 21, 2005 05:52 PM | TrackBack